Reportedly, attorneys for Major League Baseball and the Players Union are approaching an "agreement on rules" for a meeting between embattled Yankees slugger Jason Giambi and former-Senate Majority Leader and current honorary-Major League Baseball steroid czar George Mitchell. Getting these rules finalized paves the way for the secretaries to the assistants to the managing agents for Major League Baseball and the Players Union to begin talks of when might be a good time to schedule a meeting to discuss possible times for a meeting between said managing agents who would then discuss possible dates for a possible meeting between representatives for Jason Giambi via and the Players Union and representatives for George Mitchell and Major League Baseball. Catch the Fever!While the country sits on pins and needles in anticipation of dates of press conferences to discuss the scheduling of more meetings, we (me) here at TNMS have obtained EXCLUSIVE* information on just what is contained in this set of rules. A partial list is as follows:
- All questions regarding for Mr. Giambi must be directed to legal counsel for Mr. Giambi and not directly to Mr. Giambi himself.
- Any statements made directly by Mr. Giambi and not through Counsel of Mr. Giambi may not be used to incriminate himself or any others associated with him, and are null and void in all legal context.
- Mr. Giambi will not be asked questions regarding his past, including both professional and personal experiences.
- Mr. Giambi will not be asked about his present, or future.
- Mr. Mitchell must attend the meeting adorned in a yellow sun-dress, high heels (nothing slutty - nothing over 4 inches) and a lemon chiffon hat.
- Mr. Giambi will be granted the right to use an interpreter which he and his counsel will provide. If this interpreter is not available, the meeting will be postponed and subsequently rescheduled for a time when said interpreter is available.
- Snacks, including rice cakes, peanut butter (specifically jiffy), canada dry ginger ale, poland spring water, and skittles must be provided. If said snacks are not available, the meeting will be postponed and subsequently rescheduled for a time when said snacks are available.
- Mr. Giambi is not to be asked any questions regarding the possibility of his taking of steroids.
- Mr. Giambi is not to be asked any questions regarding his bearing witness to any other player taking steroids.
- Mr. Giambi is not to be asked any questions reagarding steroids.
- If Mr. Giambi feels inclined not to attend said meeting, he may elect to send a predetermined representative in his place. If said representative is unavailable, the meeting will be postponed and subsequently rescheduled for a time when said representative is available.
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*Said "exclusive information" may, in fact, not actually be exclusive nor confirmed information.
