I'm bored, which inevitably means it's blogging time. However, I'm not bored ENOUGH to really put my full effort into this - which is not to imply that I have ever put my full effort into this before. What does that leave us with? Probably with something fairly close to my typical blog entry. And with that stunning introduction, on to the news!
KIM JONG IL SPOTTED AT SOCCER GAME, FINALLY MAKING SOCCER WORTH WATCHING
Notoriously camera-shy North Korean leader Kim Jong Il was recently spotted out at a soccer game. Upon meeting the eternal president, the player's involved in the game claimed they felt "a fire in their heart.". The players' hearts were later treated for radiation exposure.
Look for more super-awesome citings of the Dear Leader in US Weekly's newest feature, "Dictators! They're Just Like Us!" (Spoiler alert - Kim doesn't wear make-up when he goes to the supermarket!) OMG!
SMALLER TWINKIES ARE HERE. NATION REJOICES
Quick to join in the 100 calorie snack game (a game that garners a larger audience than professional hockey), Hostess is introducing "Twinkie Bites", the 100 calorie Twinkie snack pack. Hostess hopes the new venture will extend the brand to the crucial health-conscious consumer; those who enjoy the taste of Twinkies, but feel the original 150 calorie version was just a bit too decadent.
CAN TV MAKE YOUR TEEN PREGNANT?
No. As it turns out, penises and doctors still have that market cornered. Unless you have that rare television that is capable of producing sperm and has a working penis. I think Magnavox may have manufactured a few of these in the 90s.
AWOL TED STEVENS JUROR LIED ABOUT ABSENCE. IRONY LOST ON TED STEVENS
The woman, who we'll generously deem as semi-infamous Juror No. 4, went missing during deliberations and was eventually replaced. When she returned to court this week by Judge's order, No. 4 explained that she'd lied about her father dying, as she had previously told court officials, and instead traveled to California to watch horse races. No. 4 concluded her rambling story of horses, the Breeders' Cup, and President Ford's son (really) by asking if she could "have a case of [her] own." Attorney's for Mr. Steven's have already requested her as a juror for their appeal case.
No word one whether or not Kim Jong Il was spotted at any of the horse races.
SCHOOL CANCELED DUE TO FOOTBALL GAME.
Three school districts in Georgia canceled school last Friday in anticipation of a teacher shortage. Teachers typically call out sick in massive numbers on the Friday before what's known as "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party", the annual Florida-Georgia college football game (played in Jacksonville, FL). Georgia went on to get trounced by Florida, and students went on to learn about karma.
Showing posts with label what passes for news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what passes for news. Show all posts
Monday, November 03, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
SNOWBALLIN' / VICE CITY
I am slowly becoming more aware of my vices, of which I have many. For instance, I hate shaving. This has resulted in my hair approaching shoulder-length and my face being hidden behind a thick, albeit somewhat patchy, mess of course pubic-like scruff (images available on Facebook, or here). Additionally, I probably don't eat as well as I should. I justify this through various excuses - time, finances, etc. - but eventually I'm sure it will catch up with me (especially since I'm much slower now than I used to be, undoubtedly because of said diet). Those are just two of the most troubling - aside from leaving counter-tops unkempt to promote breeding grounds for e-coli, spitting in sandwiches I'll then offer to people, and injecting friends with needles containing deadly plagues - but perhaps The WORST vice I have is watching CNN.
I indulge this vice of mine today when I decide to turn on "American Morning". And on this American Morning, I am greeted by Veronica De La Cruz, who serves as CNN's "Internet Correspondent" (This is officially my new favorite title, although if it were me, I totally would have talked The Network into something more grandiose but equally meaningful, such as "Ambassador to the Digital Media" or "Web Czar"). She's explaining that this is a follow-up to a story The Network has cleverly dubbed "Snow Day Phone Call" (you can view the segment here). If I might editorialize for a moment (because the rest of this is obviously hard news reporting): this is DELICIOUS (almost delicious enough to post on del.icio.us). Such a morning treat. It's like skipping the Oat Bran and starting my day with three chocolate éclairs.
I particularly enjoy the way in which Ms. De La Cruz owns (or for you internet correspondents out there, pwns) this story right from the start. Her delivery of "...That he posted..................................................on The Internet", features just the right ratio of dramatic pause to peaking intonation, perfectly illuminating how this story has fallen into her domain (no pun intended).
Ms. De La Cruz further enhances her performance through use of dramatic irony, as she explains to us that the youngster who posted this "even seemed a little annoyed about all the calls that HE was getting from the media.............. on HIS home phone." Watch out Stone Phillips!
To be fair, it was this lad himself who posted this voicemail message on YoutTube; and Ms. De La Cruz does acknowledge his point that there are other more important stories in the world that are probably more worthy of attention than this. But what fun is fair?! NONE. Luckily, our Ambassador to the Internet is fully aware of this, and is equally quick to justify the story by explaining that "it seems like people are still interested" (I think this should be CNN's new company slogan: "CNN. IT SEEMS LIKE PEOPLE ARE STILL INTERESTED").
But by far my favorite moment of this piece is when our CNN sponsored Internet Tour Guide tells us that their original segment on this story, posted on youtube, has been viewed over 8,500 times. Now although that might not seem all the impressive, just look at how impressive it becomes when you boldface, change text size, and hold for effect.....................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................................
....8,500 TIMES!
See? Now it's big news.
Inevitably we've now introduced a comparative numbers game, which is of course the goal of all major news networks. In case you are wondering what other YouTube items are tantamount in views to this clip boasted by CNN, I've taken the liberty of performing a search and coming up with a few random samplings. And if you aren't wondering... Well I've already gone through the effort, and you've come this far, so why not take a look:
For the record, "Cake Flushing" is actually far more popular than "Snow Day Phone Call", with almost three times as many views. Maybe it's all in the title. Or perhaps CNN will soon begin airing more videos featuring cakes and toilets - which is probably on par with their curent programming. Either way, this whole sordid affair can probably be summed up best by a quote from a viewer read on the air by Ms. De La Cruz:
Thankfully, those attributes - like the common sense to separate a real news story from meaningless fluff, and the self control and composure to report on real issues like, gee I dunno, the presidential primaries, or Darfur - are not applicable to broadcast media. And I for one am happy about that. It gives me a chance to indulge one of my vices, while at the same time making me realize that in comparison, mine aren't all that bad.
Oh and one last item: while snowballing is a term frequently used to describe the nature of viral media, it also refers to this.
I indulge this vice of mine today when I decide to turn on "American Morning". And on this American Morning, I am greeted by Veronica De La Cruz, who serves as CNN's "Internet Correspondent" (This is officially my new favorite title, although if it were me, I totally would have talked The Network into something more grandiose but equally meaningful, such as "Ambassador to the Digital Media" or "Web Czar"). She's explaining that this is a follow-up to a story The Network has cleverly dubbed "Snow Day Phone Call" (you can view the segment here). If I might editorialize for a moment (because the rest of this is obviously hard news reporting): this is DELICIOUS (almost delicious enough to post on del.icio.us). Such a morning treat. It's like skipping the Oat Bran and starting my day with three chocolate éclairs.
I particularly enjoy the way in which Ms. De La Cruz owns (or for you internet correspondents out there, pwns) this story right from the start. Her delivery of "...That he posted..................................................on The Internet", features just the right ratio of dramatic pause to peaking intonation, perfectly illuminating how this story has fallen into her domain (no pun intended).
Ms. De La Cruz further enhances her performance through use of dramatic irony, as she explains to us that the youngster who posted this "even seemed a little annoyed about all the calls that HE was getting from the media.............. on HIS home phone." Watch out Stone Phillips!
To be fair, it was this lad himself who posted this voicemail message on YoutTube; and Ms. De La Cruz does acknowledge his point that there are other more important stories in the world that are probably more worthy of attention than this. But what fun is fair?! NONE. Luckily, our Ambassador to the Internet is fully aware of this, and is equally quick to justify the story by explaining that "it seems like people are still interested" (I think this should be CNN's new company slogan: "CNN. IT SEEMS LIKE PEOPLE ARE STILL INTERESTED").
But by far my favorite moment of this piece is when our CNN sponsored Internet Tour Guide tells us that their original segment on this story, posted on youtube, has been viewed over 8,500 times. Now although that might not seem all the impressive, just look at how impressive it becomes when you boldface, change text size, and hold for effect.....................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................................
....8,500 TIMES!
See? Now it's big news.
Inevitably we've now introduced a comparative numbers game, which is of course the goal of all major news networks. In case you are wondering what other YouTube items are tantamount in views to this clip boasted by CNN, I've taken the liberty of performing a search and coming up with a few random samplings. And if you aren't wondering... Well I've already gone through the effort, and you've come this far, so why not take a look:
For the record, "Cake Flushing" is actually far more popular than "Snow Day Phone Call", with almost three times as many views. Maybe it's all in the title. Or perhaps CNN will soon begin airing more videos featuring cakes and toilets - which is probably on par with their curent programming. Either way, this whole sordid affair can probably be summed up best by a quote from a viewer read on the air by Ms. De La Cruz:
Thankfully, those attributes - like the common sense to separate a real news story from meaningless fluff, and the self control and composure to report on real issues like, gee I dunno, the presidential primaries, or Darfur - are not applicable to broadcast media. And I for one am happy about that. It gives me a chance to indulge one of my vices, while at the same time making me realize that in comparison, mine aren't all that bad.
Oh and one last item: while snowballing is a term frequently used to describe the nature of viral media, it also refers to this.
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