Every so often, I make ridiculous statements. Anyone who knows me will tell you as much. On November 19, 2004, I claimed that the NBA product was now so poor, that a 22-year-old friend of mine with no college basketball experience could play in the league.* Not one month before this, after the Red Sox were down 3-0 to the Yankees, I claimed the Sox would never win the World Series for as long as they played in Fenway Park.* And in February of 2004, I proclaimed that I’d jump off the balcony of my apartment onto our snow-covered lawn in nothing but shorts.*
So why am I telling you things you either (a) don’t care about or (b) don’t want to know (particularly if you’re my mom and you’re reading item number three listed above)? Because in my last posting, I made a ridiculous proclamation, saying I would have a new entry for each of the last 10 days the Red Sox and Yankees were, at the time, fighting out the American League Eastern Division title (At this point, you may be tempted to click the link to the left to check out that entry. If this is the case, please be warned, it sucks. For something more entertaining, read the one about my lease). Of course, this didn’t happen. Which, if you know me, isn’t really that surprising. I didn’t write one entry each day, or one entry every other day, or even one entry during the course of the 10 days. In fact, if you are a consistent reader of this site (to which I say two things – 1. Thanks. 2. Sorry you’re so bored) you know that I actually have not posted ANYTHING since September, marking the longest drought since both the inception of this site, and the old online journal this site was born from. The latter is at least somewhat surprising, seeing as how I broke even my own record on this one.
Rather than make up some paltry excuse at this point (which, believe me, I am perfectly capable of doing – it’s how I got through high school) I thought I’d make it more interactive. The following is a list of “possible excuses” I’ve come up with that could have (but probably weren’t) the reason for the absence of any new material over the past four months. Please review them, tell me which is your favorite, and if I get more than 10 responses (hell, if I get more than one response, let’s be realistic here) I’ll post the favorite in my next entry (whenever that may be… Four months from now, Six months from now, who knows!)* And now, I present to you those possible excuses, in no particular order:
• A bear ate my hands while I was chopping wood in southern Maine.
• I temporarily forgot how to type for four months, due to a strange voodoo curse involving Judge Rheinhold and a midget named Hugo.
• I was excommunicated from New York after insisting the Giants had no hope to do anything in the postseason.*
• Underwent long, painful recovery after suffering second degree burns during an attempt to burn my “what would Johnny Damon do?” t-shirt.*
• Attempted to help the victims of hurricane Katrina but upon arrival in the region, was attacked by a pack of sex-crazed ka-nines and was forced into submission.
• Became addicted to Madden 2006.
• Became addicted to Crack.
• Became addicted to The View.*
In any event, I’m back now, and will make yet another attempt at resurrecting this. Into what, I don’t know, but I’d hope it’s be something that updates a little more frequently than every four months. Only time will tell. Stay tuned…
Until Next Time,
Aaron
FOOTNOTES FOR THE UNINFORMED:
- This happened to be while watching the infamous Pacer/Pistons game, but was said BEFORE the fight
- Sox beat yanks and won world series
- I did jump
- Off-shore gambling sites are now taking bets on this. I think the smart money is on 4-6 weeks
- I was right
- Ironically, this is what I thought Johnny Damon would do.
- I assume becoming addicted to either crack or The View results in pretty much the same thing; huddling in a corner, rocking back and forth, shouting obscenities and talking to oneself.
Photos appear courtesy of Hilary Siegel and ABC.com
• In the spirit of playing only weird looking characters in her most recent films, Charlize Theron came to the Oscars® in a dress made for a muppet
• Itzhak Perlman is super cute
