As with any harmful item, the first thing you'll want to do is recognize the problem so you can properly address the issue. There are several warning signs that are associated with tasering that can easily be identified. The following is a partial list of tasing symptoms you should be aware of:
- Uncontrollable muscle twitching
- Momentary paralysis
- Abdominal pain
- Incontinence
- fever
- nausea
- hunger
- dry mouth
- restless leg
- sweaty palms
- general fatigue
- depression
- An increase of high-voltage low-current electrical current pulsing through your body
At the onset of any of these symptoms, you should immediately contact your physician. It's possible you are about to be, are being, or in extreme cases, were tasered.
But fear not. There are a number of things you can do yourself to prevent being tasered. Here are six easy things that you can do to keep you clean and out of harms way:
- 1. Don't Say things like "don't tase me bro"
- Evidence shows this tends to lead to immediate tasering.
- 2. Stay out of lecture halls
- Voice safety concerns to your local campus administration. They will most likely excuse you from class. If you go to UMass, just continue not going to class as you normally would.
- 3. Don't carry your baby through hospital corridors
- Instead, conceal your baby in the new porous American Eagle™ brand Baby Bag. In lieu of the Baby Bag, your gym bag will suffice.
- 4. Carry your own taser
- Studies reveal that carrying a taser on you at all times increases your safety level by 17%, and reduces your risk of getting tased by 35% - similar to carrying handguns.
- BUT BEWARE! Should you become involved in an altercation in which you are battling another person with a taser, be careful not to cross the streams (see Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2).
- 5. Build a moat around your home
- Moats limit the amount of people who have access to your residence, which in turn will limit your opportunity to be tased. *Note - the effectiveness of this method is dependent upon the amount of time you spend in your home in addition to the number of people in your household who own tasers.
- 6. Avoid places where people are inclined to cheer for your tasing
- See below...
